I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
