Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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