I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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