I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
