I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
