I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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