Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
