U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
