she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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