why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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