I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
