I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
