He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
