just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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