i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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