I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
