I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
