literally had 100 drinks last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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