A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
