So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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