I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
