This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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