You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
