Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
