Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
