it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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