Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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