Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
