She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
