I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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