he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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