Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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