So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
