i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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