I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
