My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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