bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
