hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
