i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
