Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
