new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
