She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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