Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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