I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
