I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
