I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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