I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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