kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
