Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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