I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
