My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
