I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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