So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
