6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
