yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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