Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
