hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
