Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
