i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
