You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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