why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
