On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
