If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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