I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
