so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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